Everyone has some experience with that awkward fear that makes us second guess ourselves. As an introverted, fat girl, I grew up with a whole slew of body and activity policing in my life. With the media’s insistent pressure to conform to unachievable standards, it’s becoming increasingly impossible to escape the overwhelming bombardment of “you’re not good enough”. Do you remember the last time you chose not to do something because of a looming sense of self-consciousness or because you were straight-up afraid?
Dan at Single Dad Laughing recently re-vamped an excellent piece, The Disease Call “Perfection”, providing a perfect illustration the damaging consequences of culturally fueled self-hate. Regardless of the specifics of our individual struggles, living authentically, listening to ourselves, and understanding our individual needs will contribute to self-healing and allow you truly find who you are as a person. Over time, I managed to cultivate a sense of body love and strong self-identity, and I still find myself holding back from certain actions or giving too much consideration to others’ opinions. Those underlying feelings, the ones that make me hold back, those are my inhibitions. Can you pin-point your’s?
Heights. It was one of the first things I remember being afraid of as a kid. Even climbing into our tree house used to make my head spin, but that didn’t stop me from clutching our rope swing and flinging myself into the air, my gut churning with equal parts dread and exhilaration as I acted as the weight of the pendulum, flowing back and forth until my positioning perfectly aligned for a trampoline landing.. It was so fun and terrifying. I remember being confused by the continued existence of my fear of heights, as I built courage and confidence with summer camp rock-walls and high-ropes courses and trips skiing down mountains or riding roller-coasters.
One Fall, the last weekend before I moved out of Minnesota, I was on an impromptu camping trip with a friend and a group of other people. We were standing on top of a waterfall, watching the river flow and snapping pictures when some guys from the group started stripping off layers so they could jump. I crept closer to the edge, that familiar spinning settling in my head and stomach as my vision narrowed and the water, 30 feet below, filled my vision. I had the most shocking sense that I was going to fall forward, that I had to move back or I would drown. Even at the time I knew it was ridiculous. I’ll readily admit that I’m not the most graceful person, but I don’t typically just fall, face-first into the ground when I’m standing still. And I’ve been swimming since before my memories start, so drowning wasn’t exactly probable, either. Tossing my camera to my friend, I muttered something about being afraid – and I jumped.
The free fall didn’t last long, I’m starting to think that it’s one of those things that never does, the thrill is there and gone whether it’s a skydive excursion or a jump from the falls. Entering the frigid September water my breath was taken away. And as I pulled myself back up the side of the bank, grinning from ear to ear, I realized that I hadn’t been afraid since my feet left the ridge above. It was one of the best lessons I remember learning: Do it, especially if you’re afraid. Challenge the things that hold you back and you will end up changing the way you feel.
You should join me on a seek-and-destroy mission to identify and remove harmful inhibitions in your life! While some inhibitions are good; it’s healthy to be unwilling to engage in certain actions, recklessness is seldom rewarded in the long-term scheme of things.. and yes, I know, some people consider jumping off waterfalls reckless.. Other inhibitions, such as ones that develop out of anxiety, or fear, can prevent you from living a full life. The kind of life that we all dream of as small children, the one where you were happy and making your individual contribution to the cosmos. It is still possible be the person you wanted to be when you grow up. Undoubtedly, understanding the motivations behind your behaviors will make it easier to start taking meaningful actions to make concrete changes in the ways you think about, and interact with, your world.
Letting go of inhibition is challenging, and there’s no one solution that will work for everyone, but the following tips may be suitable ways to expand comfort zones:
- Increase Your spontaneity! Stop waiting to do new things. The longer you postpone an activity, the longer you’re allowing feelings of doubt to increase the likelihood you’ll hold back from the activity.
- Build Friendships! Connect with supportive, positive, and complimentary friends. Humans are social creatures, even if the degree varies greatly, having a genuine connection to others helps us be more confident and more eager to engage in life experiences. The more support you have, the more comfortable you will be with taking action.
- Confront the Feeling! Once you’re able to identify your inhibitions, you’ll be able to figure out why you’re holding back from those activities. Confronting the feelings behind the answer to your “why” question IS the key to moving past your inhibition.
Reducing negative inhibitions in life is obviously a long-term goal which will take a lot of effort, time and self-reflection. The process is easiest if you begin by reducing your level of anxiety, which, admittedly, is easier said than done, HuffPost featured a good list of ways to reduce anxiety without the use of medication. Also – always, always, always ask for help if you need it, severe anxiety or depression are serious issues, but they don’t reflect on who you are as a person! Seeking to understand how we feel, and why we feel the way we feel plays a key role in cultivating happiness. I hope you enjoy your mission as much as I am enjoying mine.